how do you face it?

Dearest Liver,

Sorry that I’ve been away so long. For a while I was feeling well and I didn’t want to take time away from that to sit down and write. I was having fun with my friends, dancing whenever possible, and finally traveling and doing things I wanted to do. It was amazing, and even though I KNEW that it wasn’t going to last, I couldn’t comprehend how horrible it was going to feel when that was pulled away from me again.

I tried to prep myself for it, thinking that if I lived it up and enjoyed all of the moments I had, when I was torn down back into my fucked up reality of metastatic cancer it wouldn’t be so bad. Like somehow I would be able to weather the storm of the next rough patch by reliving the nice parts of my chemo break in my head. Continue reading how do you face it?

You Ruin Everything

Dearest Liver,

Thanks to you I had the worst week/weekend. I had a large dose of chemo and a stupid flu shot on Tuesday, the first of 2 Neupogen shots on Wed, a fever resulting in a 7 hr stay in the worst ER ever Thursday night into Friday morning, and then my second shot of Neupogen on Friday.  So most of my week/weekend was filled with me feeling sick, flu-like, weak, tired, painful, and nauseous. Continue reading You Ruin Everything