how do you face it?

Dearest Liver,

Sorry that I’ve been away so long. For a while I was feeling well and I didn’t want to take time away from that to sit down and write. I was having fun with my friends, dancing whenever possible, and finally traveling and doing things I wanted to do. It was amazing, and even though I KNEW that it wasn’t going to last, I couldn’t comprehend how horrible it was going to feel when that was pulled away from me again.

I tried to prep myself for it, thinking that if I lived it up and enjoyed all of the moments I had, when I was torn down back into my fucked up reality of metastatic cancer it wouldn’t be so bad. Like somehow I would be able to weather the storm of the next rough patch by reliving the nice parts of my chemo break in my head. Continue reading how do you face it?

It’s the little things in life, like cucumber gimlets.

Dearest Liver,

I’m not having such a great day today. My bones hurt from my neupogen shot yesterday, I’m exhausted, and just generally feeling stressed out and a little sad today. Sometimes I have these sorts of days. My general stance on this is to allow myself to wallow in whatever I’m feeling for no more than 24 hrs and then I move on. I don’t know if this is the healthiest way to deal with things or not, but it has gotten me through the last year and a half of this cancer BS pretty well, so I think it’s working for me.

Today I’m going to try and drag myself out of my funk and think about the little things in life that make me happy. Like the fact that my tumors in you are down by 50%! FIVE ZERO! That’s pretty awesome. And I got to celebrate this on Monday with some of the best UCSF staff ever! After 6 months of not being allowed to have any alcohol at all, I was rewarded by being taken out for a cucumber gimlet at Bourbon and Branch. It was the perfect cocktail choice and the one we have been talking about for months. Continue reading It’s the little things in life, like cucumber gimlets.

Finally, things are going in the right direction!

Dearest Liver,

The last two treatments haven’t been so bad to me, so I wanted to share these good results with you! Your functions have all been in a normal range for 2 treatments in a row now. My doctor and nurse practitioners are all very excited about your progress and I find it easier to put up with feeling sort of sick when I can see good results! It’s only 2 days post chemo and it’s way past my bedtime, so I’m going to keep this short and just share my results in the charts that MyChart provides me! Continue reading Finally, things are going in the right direction!